you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
