I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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