3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
