ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
