I hate your face
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
