Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My feet surprised me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
