I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
