do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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