She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
