i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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