If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
