Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
These tits shall not be calmed
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
