He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
