:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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