Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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