Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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