my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
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Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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