He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize