If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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