Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
