I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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