omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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