Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think your dad took our porno
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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