i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
