Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
