i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
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There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
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he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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