So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
