i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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