I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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