i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
