so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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