I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
