I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize
