I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
