oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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