its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
