if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize