It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
