1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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