Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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