it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
