Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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