No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
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I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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