If that was your dad, he is hot
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
