We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
