I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Randomize
