I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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