Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
