This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
