i just sent this text using only my big toe
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
