Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I need a beard to bite.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
