well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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