Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
