my phone cant type all the emotion im having
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
