if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sober January is a disaster.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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