so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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