i need an iv and a liver transplant
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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