It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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