it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
