Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
