apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
