So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
