Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
